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Journal Key:

Green = Steve | George = navy | Janet = Purple | Evelyn = Black

3/4/10 (Thursday)

Last night was . . . an adventure. Cara got off to bed, and Steve and I were left to figure Owen out. That was tough! I admit that I got to the "why did we have a baby, anyway?!" part within an hour or so! We had been told that the evening was Owen's fussy time. He was very fussy and upset and mad and we weren't really organized--I guess it's hard to know what you'll need ahead of time! Things are going to be difficult for a while, as feeding Owen means nursing, bottle feeding, and pumping. I think I slept for five hours, in a stretch of two and then of three. At six thirty I woke up, sure something awful had happened. It hadn't. Owen had slept from three o'clock on. He was making noise but still sleepy. I started doing other things, but then he got louder and I got him up and changed him. He stayed asleep. The two of us cuddled and I got to doze a little too in the glider until after eight.

Cara had gotten a good night's sleep. She was the only one. In the morning Owen lay around on his boppy (I guess it's his now) and looked around while Cara brought his toys over one by one to show him. We got the first real pictures of them together. She's very happy to have her brother home. She did a great job today. As she'd planned, one of her step stools is in his room so that she can look into his crib at him. She's a great helper, though, and we've pointed out how much harder it would be without her. While I was making dinner, she was able to run up to check on him. He was sleeping. When we sat down to dinner, she checked again. She came back and told us he was still sleeping. Then she suggested that I go see, too. Now, at the end of the day, she's somewhat more reflective. She's noticed that it's tough, sometimes, having a baby in the house. I promised her that he'll be more fun later on!

Grandmom and Grandpop came up today, thank goodness! We were definitely ready for backup. After 45 days of waiting, they got to hold their grandson! And hold him. And hold him. Everyone was happy. Cara got to show off her new brother and show them all his stuff; she also really deserves a lot of credit for keeping herself amused more than I'd expected her to. I'm proud of her. Grandmom and Grandpop both spent time playing with and reading to her, though.

We got a phone call this evening from a woman from Horizon who is our "case manager." She's a nurse; they assign them to preemies and other people with issues. It was really nice to talk to her, and it's great to have someone to call if we have questions. I found it reassuring and I'm glad to have her, although the final five minutes of the conversation took place after Cara and Steve went off to ballet and I was holding a very unhappy baby.

Ballet was a test for me tonight; I had Owen to myself for the first time. I started a bottle, fed him, changed him, gave him the bottle, put him down, and pumped; it took an hour. Then I made dinner! I'm proud of myself. I'm not sure how tonight will go, but I know it's got to be better than last night was, just because I know we know what we're doing this time!

3/5/10 (Friday)

I really cannot report on how last night went, because neither Steve nor I can remember it. I know that I was up and that things were a little loud. Owen definitely does seem to have his day and night reversed; he is always nice and quiet during the day! Well, mostly. If anyone has tips on how to straighten him out, I'm open!

Cara is wonderful. The first thing, by the way, that she seemed to notice about Owen beyond his general "cuteness" was that his nails were very very tiny and cute. Something strange has been happening for a week or two. When we clean up Cara's toys, she puts the bin of girls on the top rung of the rack rather than at the bottom with the other girl stuff where we've always kept it. It's full of tiny things, and she insists on having it up high so Owen can't reach it.

I am feeling better because I've made myself a nice chart to use to keep track of Owen's diapers and his various feedings and my pumping. Organization always makes me happy. I'm glad I'll have solid data to look at; also, if I write down what I do at night, I'll be able to figure out what happened!

This evening, after a feeding, Owen was nice and awake. Cara went and got the big Curious George blanket from his room, and we spread it out on the living room floor. He lay there and looked around for over half an hour, and Cara and I played with him while Steve went to pick up takeout for Family Fun Night (lately, the only restaurant Cara's interested in is Chili's; her days of getting to pick may be numbered). Cara brought a few of his toys and showed them to him. He had his arms waving around a lot, so he got to touch a few things. We gave him some tummy time, and it's funny to see how he can scoot himself around if you give his feet something solid to push off from!

Owen's arms, I have decided, are currently his enemies. They often get in the way when he is trying to nurse. They knock his popper out, sometimes when he wants it. When we're offering him a bottle and he really really wants it, his arms knock it away from his mouth. It's possible that they're trying to help, but it seems pretty likely that their chief interest is sabotage.

Something cool happened yesterday. A postal truck stopped in front of the house, and the postman came to the door and handed me a big pink inflated ball. It was for Cara! The ball says "Have a BALL being a big sister!" It's a gift from the Selovers, and it has stamps taped to it and everything. The company is called Send a Ball--what fun!

Somehow yesterday Cara decided that her Build-a-Bear toys needed to learn to sing at a singing class. She started getting them lined up this evening, all in chairs or the equivalent of chairs, but then it was time for bed. Each of them is now sleeping on the floor in the playroom in a sleeping bag made of a folded blanket. Shelby Foote is sleeping on Deesta's bed.

3/6/10 (Saturday)

My exciting chart is making me feel much better about life; I can see, for instance, that Owen woke up pretty much every three hours last night, which means that I got three stretches of two hours each. I keep planning on napping during the day, but things seem so busy! Maybe when Owen and I are home alone I'll try it.

At dinner last night and again at breakfast this morning, Owen sat in his bouncer and was good. We took a picture of him doing it. At breakfast he was next to Cara, who gently bounced him with her foot. Later, during a diaper change, Owen's random flailing of his arms touched Cara's hand. She was elated. She's touched him, but never the other way. One sad thing--his grab reflex is gone. I missed it when Cara lost hers, too.

Grandmama and Grandpapa came up this afternoon and got to hold Owen for the first time! He was mostly asleep and cuddly. Of course, he woke up and was looking around right when it was time for them to go and us to start heading for bed.

3/7/10 (Sunday)

Today Owen had his first walk in a stroller (he mostly slept through it) and his first tub bath (he didn't sleep through that). Grandmom and Grandpop had come up, and it was a beautiful day. After lunch we got Owen into his stroller and walked around the block. The Loefflers got to come out and meet Owen (they haven't been over because they're basically all sick) for the first time. Cara rode on her scooter. Of course, by the time we got halfway around the block Grandmom was carrying it. This is a pattern which has been consistent and which makes me hesitate to get Cara a bike. Owen was quiet and happy during the parts in which his stroller was moving.

The bath was an adventure for everyone. Cara was actually the one who washed Owen, except for his head, which I did. He was upset at first, but eventually he seemed to get used to it and was comfortable and happy. No big messes were made, and I'm sure we'll streamline the process as we get used to it. I miss the warm weather we had when Cara was a new baby! Owen was pretty much wide awake after the bath. Maybe next time this won't be an after-dinner activity! We put down a blanket in Cara's room for some floor play time. Cara's pretty excited about showing Owen her stuff. She also hopes that they can take a bath together, apparently by putting his bath tub into the big one. Hmmmm.

Tomorrow is my first day at home alone with Owen. We also have our first pediatrician appointment! I'm looking forward to it; I'm sure we'll have lots to discuss. For one thing, Owen's ability to go to sleep on his own in his crib at night seems to be deteriorating . . .

3/8/10 (Monday)

Astonishingly, my days seem to have shrunk; this one was about three hours long. I think we got into bed before eleven, and Owen did well; he was up twice in the night and went back to sleep as he ought. We got up a little before eight and we got to see Cara and Steve get ready and leave, but then Owen and I had a lot to do. He got fed. I pumped and showered and managed to start a load of laundry! I had breakfast some time between ten and eleven.

Owen did well at the pediatrician. He weighs seven pounds, two ounces! I have numbers to call to make appointments with a cardiologist, a urologist, and an audiologist, because of that quarter of his hearing test that he failed. If he doesn't start pooping more frequently, I'll get to call a gastroenterologist, too! One thing that makes me happy is that the doctor's office is going to talk to my insurance company and arrange for Owen to go back in next week to get a shot to prevent RSV, the virus because of which Cara has to take a bath when she gets home from being around other kids. The shot only lasts a month, and he's due. I'm glad they're going to arrange it. He may or may not get another dose next month, since the season ends in April.

The doctor reiterated how careful we have to be. Taking walks outside is fine, which is very good because it's starting to finally get nice out! That's almost the only thing that's fine. No mall, no grocery store, no restaurants for the next few weeks. We can go, for instance, to grandma's house, but we should keep him away from kids. It's a very good thing I'd arranged with Juliana to sit with Owen while I get Cara every day!

Owen got three shots and one oral vaccine. That was the only time he cried, except for once when it was just a chain cry because someone else was crying. He'll go back in a month for his next well visit.

The fact that it's nice out presents a logistical problem. The Loefflers were outside and Cara's friend Steven was out with his folks and their dogs when we got home. Juliana was upstairs holding Owen, and I needed to go let her go! Cara needed to have a bath. She wanted to (and should be allowed to) play outside with her friends. I wanted to see people. Owen really couldn't come outside. Not sure what to do about that. I checked with Juliana, said I'd be gone five minutes, and stayed outside for at least fifteen. Juliana really did a great job with Owen. She gave him the remaining half of the bottle I'd started him with, and she held him and cuddled him and talked with him about the mural in his room, surely among other topics. He was a very happy and very much asleep little boy when Cara and I came in and she got into the bath.

Oh well. In a few weeks, RSV season will be over. It will be even nicer out, and Owen will be older. This won't be an issue anymore.

I remember the first doctor's visit with Cara. Somehow, I think it was very difficult, and Steve and I did it together. It was complicated and scary. Taking Owen out and getting him through that was easy, though! We even stopped at the bank on the way there and the pharmacy coming back. It goes to show that even though it's hard to have a newborn (or a sort-of-newborn), parenting is easier the second time around!

3/9/10 (Tuesday)

Owen and I were up at midnight, three, and six last night. It worked out great! I definitely prefer being up early in the morning. We got to see Cara and Steve before they left! I felt much more like a real person. Owen stayed mostly awake and mostly happy for the whole morning. We played in the house and even went out for a walk, which demonstrated nicely to me how out of shape I am, having done very little for the past two months.

After Owen's lunch I decided we'd cuddle on the couch and see whether a kitty or two would like to join us. I know it's been frustrating for them that I'm home but not available. Shelby came right away when I called her, but, alas, Owen's presence was just too scary. She tried it twice, and it was no good.

In the afternoon, Grandmom and Grandpop came up and held Owen for a few hours while I went out to do errands. One of the things I did was to buy a Happy Due Date cake, so that we could celebrate Owen finally reaching full term, sort of. Gestationally, he's no longer in negative numbers.

Cara set the table. She gave a purple napkin to herself and one to Grandmom, as a special award for doing a good job at a ball-tossing game Cara had made her play. She also made sure that Grandmom sat across from her.

This morning, Steve got stuck behind someone making a left turn. He grumbled about the uselessness of that particular turn and said that no one ever really needed or wanted to go down that street. "Daddy," said Cara, "when I grow up I'll never go down that street!"

3/10/10 (Wednesday)

Miss Jane told me today that Cara had had "quite a day." She'd even had a splinter! I didn't get to hear the rest of it, and Cara has not been particularly informative. She has, however, had quite a day. Aunt Claire came up; she "got" Owen's nose for the first time. She and Owen were actually in the car when I got Cara. Claire and Buster and I hung out while Cara had a bath. We'd have a good time for a few minutes, and then we'd suggest that she get out, and she'd protest that she hadn't even gotten to play!

We made tacos for dinner. This, of course, was exciting. Everyone was hungry. Then, somehow, while Steve and Claire were finishing things up and I was giving Owen a bottle, Cara wasn't hungry anymore. Her tummy hurt. Now, she says that fairly frequently, and it usually means nothing. It's odd that she wouldn't eat, though. She didn't even get out a plate. We were halfway through dinner when she threw up. Which she has done twice more. It's been a while, so I'm letting her have little sips of water. Her temperature's a little over 99.

It's quite a day.

Cara, upon vomiting for the fourth time: Poor Adrian!!!!

Me: Why?

Cara: Because I'm not going to be there tomorrow!

(I did get to ask Miss Jane about the Cara-Adrian-Aeshna dynamic. Her assessment is that he has the two girls for two different purposes. If he's ready to be led, he hangs out with Aeshna. If he wants to work with someone on something on an equal basis, that's Cara. Seems strange, huh?)

Cara, later, having given things some thought: Adrian can play with Aeshna tomorrow. She comes every day. And maybe Emily.

Well, that's a relief.

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